New to Online Dating: 11 Tips
You're ready to meet someone new. Heading to the local bar doesn't appeal. Friends have no one to suggest. So you're thinking about trying online dating.
For many people these days, the better option is online dating, says Fran Walfish, PhD, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. "Online is the faster, most accessible place," she says. "Many couples have found each other through online dating sites."
Online dating offers a large pool of candidates that you can "meet" from the comfort of your home, notes Terri Orbuch, PhD, a relationship therapist in West Bloomfield, Mich. "It's really convenient, and it opens you up to a wide-open world of potential matches," Orbuch tells WebMD.
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While many people still meet their partners through friends and family, at work, or at parties and bars, online dating has become an increasingly acceptable and popular way to meet prospective dates.
According to Online Dating Magazine, 20% of Americans have gone out on a date with someone they met online. Every year, more than 280,000 marry someone they met that way.
Online dating has also become big business. One survey found that Americans are spending nearly a billion dollars for online dating services.
And it's not just for the young and tech savvy. Adults of all ages are giving it a try. Research shows it may be just as popular with older adults.
What to Know First
Online dating isn't for the faint of heart. It can take some courage to put your information and photo out there -- and often, some money to enroll. A little luck doesn't hurt, either. Here's what you need to know:
- Decide how much control you want. Some sites, such as eHarmony, will suggest potential partners for you. Others, such as Match, let you decide. "It's more a personal preference," Orbuch says. "A site that gives you matches might be good for someone consistently attracted to the wrong person." If you prefer having control over your choices, or know which qualities will or won't suit you, you might prefer sites that let you choose whom to contact.
- Check the costs. Some sites, like OKCupid and PlentyofFish, are free. But others might cost as much as $60 a month.
- Don't ignore the smaller sites. "Smaller niches with your interests are usually better because they don't have quite as much of the 'meat market' feel," says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist in New York City and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. "If you're in a niche that focuses on common interests, you're more likely to get people you can actually relate to."
- Create a compelling but honest profile. As tempting as it may be, don't lie about your background or personality when you write your profile. "Honesty shows confidence and integrity," Orbuch says. "Those are qualities all people are looking for. Somewhere down the line, the lie will come back to hurt you."
- Avoid disclosing too much at once. Gradually reveal details as you get to know someone. And don't post photos that are overly sexy.
- Guard your privacy. Never give out personal information or send money to anyone, Orbuch says. And follow your instincts: If you get a bad vibe, steer clear.
- Expect some dishonesty. "Online dating is advertising, rather than making a connection, and advertising is full of falsehood and exaggeration," Tessina says. "You can expect them to present the best picture they can, and to shave years off their age and pounds off their weight."
- Be prepared to reject and be rejected. "Don't take a 'No' response from others personally," Orbuch says. "It probably doesn't have anything to do with you. They could want someone who is a different age or lives in a different region. At the same time, feel free to say no to people you don't want to meet."
- Narrow your focus. Online dating can be a real time-saver if you know exactly what you want, Walfish says. For instance, if you don't want a ready-made family, then you can immediately remove someone with children from consideration. "It helps you sift through the overwhelming numbers and narrow it down to the few you'd like to meet," Walfish says.
- Google your potential dates. Don't hesitate to search someone's name on Google or social media such as Facebook or Twitter. "You can learn a lot," Tessina says. "Often, people will put pictures on Facebook that look a lot different from the online dating photo. You'll also learn about what interests them and who their friends are."
- Play it safe. Use your first name only and give personal details only after you've gotten to know each other well, Orbuch says. Always drive yourself, and meet in a public place like a coffee shop or bookstore. "If your date hasn't met any of your friends or family, you shouldn't meet him in a private location," Orbuch says. "Tell a friend where you are going, with whom, and when you expect to be back." And make sure to stay sober.
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